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so theres this boy...  
06:32pm 29/07/2010
ok so in recent events things have been goin abnormally smooth..its wierd seeing as how nothing ever goes right in my life..some would say that im waitingfor the other shoe to drop..oh well. but anyways recently ive been finding myself beoming closer and closer to a really good friend..weve been through hell and back.hes really special to me but i dont know if i want to pursue a relationship at the risk of losing a really good friend.maby ill just wait till hes ready...
but i was listening to N*Sync and it unlocked some of my old memories..when i was younger i went to a daycare were when we got back there from school all we did was play video games and dance to recent pop bands/artists. i was in two diffrent groups,one was a girl group that danced to britney spears and destinys child and th other was a boy group where i was the only girl that danced to backstreet boys and nsync..wierd i kno.but the leader of the boy group i thought was really cool and for 2 years i despratly worked to seek his attention and gain his aproval.even though i was one of the best dancers i made mistakes on purpouse and i would record CDs onto cassettes so wed always have the songs incase someone with the cd wasnt there. i dunno...that was probably my first crush..but he had feelings for another friend of mine.her name was amanda..i couldnt explain my feelings for him but when i finally figured it out he was gone...he had turned 13 and thats when you are too old to attend seven oaks acadamy..so on the last day i made him a farewell card and cried for 2 weeks.i looked up to him.for guidance moral support...his name was TJ..but even though he was about a year or two older than me i like to beleive that his spirit was reincarnated into another being that i now know..and that being is my brother..he does everything TJ does..even liking white women.. thats such a bad thing for me to say..

i guess in the end i cared for them so much i just want both of them to be happy even if,once again,its not with me. 

take it from me its a lesson to be learned.even the good guys get burned. so should i be afraid to fall in love??

its a question to all,no strings attached.
mood: lonelylonely
music: no strings attached-N*sync
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12:12am 25/07/2010
 okay so like usual i know its been a while since ive logged in....2 years to be precise...so after reading through a lot of my old entries ive found it funny to see how far ive come and all the progress ive made..as of no im curently living with one of my best friends named shara.shes awesome..a real ride or die chick.but the reson im living with her is because i left aunt shirleys house on bad terms and i just never really had any type of esire to go back...the aftermath of the whole situation in general is crazy.i dont even really wanna have anything to do with aunt shirley but yet i find myself thinking about her every now and then.shes never really done anything wrong to me if you dont count locking me outside in the middle of a thunder and lightning storm countless times shes been a decent parent......

what the hell?! who am i trying to fool??
no norml person would do that.but anyways me ad shara had plans to go ahead and rent an apartment but unfourtunatly things didnt work out as planned and ive gon through more jobs in the past year than doctors visits..but its cool i now work at best buy mobile in northwoods mall and loving every second of it.but because of my recent employment ive had to make some tough desicions.ive talked to a really close friend of mine and weve decied to team up and get an appartment together,so hopefully within the next two months things will run its course and well finally be able to have our own place..

Earls been proving to be way more than a loyal friend,hes been taking me back and fourth to work and whatnot.but weve been spending more and more time together which i guess is good cause its finally making up for all those crazy years that weve been out through in dealing with the system.im too happy.lolz.i guess ima end this entry with a quote from my own heart..

"all things will come to pass whether good or bad..where do you stand?"

Peace Out.
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
music: let me dope you-childish gambino
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new stuff!new stuff!newstuff!!!  
08:36am 17/02/2008

Ok so i know its been almost 3 weeks since ive signed in.but i got a great exscuse for that !actualy no i dont.Wade had my computer for almost 2 weeks trying to fix it bc it crashed on me!but he couldnt fix it so when he gave it back to me i reluctently ntried to redover it.lemme just tell you the shit only took about an hour but my teacher in digi.tech.imput. kept giving me this really creepy smile nlike she was proud that i acutaly knew how to format and recover a hard drive.wow.....but any ways..
throughout the past couple of weeks a lot has hapened.mellissa left after being caught for sneaking out along with my sister,i got my cell and mpo3 taken away for not saying what happened and who did it.(learned my lesson,if you want your shit you better answer the question)but got my cell back,and leah cant come over anymore.go fig.but yeah melissa was upset bc she was leaving,and at the rate janettas goin shes gonna be out too bc shes becoming a compulsive liar,its horrible i hate to see it happen but she lies about stupid stuff.so yea... 
but on the bright side we goit this new girl her name is amber and shes cool.she knows my best friend shannon.we were taking a bunch of pictures together and rappin along to a bunch of songs like pop bottles and i aint gonn'lett up. its fun hanigin out with her but i know its only for the momen bc shes planning to move up to NC with her aunt.so sad for me. :-( oh well alls i can do is wish her the best of luck.after all we still got myspace.

 Valenines day was a bust,after being shot down by a guy i really care for but hes more concerned about his grades right now and i respect him for that.not to mention another guy that i liked has a gf so yea....... 
after a recent internalstudy ive relized that i got a bunch of friends who really care for me and would do just about anything to help me.and ive been too wrapped up in my own problems to relize that.it makes me feel really bad that i didnt relize that sooner!
but yea.cleavland got me a zune for valentines day!!!!i was in disbelife.he was like "brittney do you want your valentines day give now?" and i was all depressed bc i acidently spilled nikkis vday secrent for her bf allen.(ill explain later)
so i was like "i......guess....." he handed me a zune and i was like is this some kind of cruel joke?bc i wasnt expecting anything.and he was like "no its real alls you have to do is register it online.i thanked him a lot.and the thing is i feel bad bc i joke around with him a lot and he gets me this!!!!oh well i guess take it as it comes.
ok so about the nikki incedent,,,,,
ok it was in the morning and i was with nikki and allen asnd nikki gives him a big brown bear and some choclate,she ells him to sniff the bear(it smells like chocolate) and i said "thats funny i thought it would have smelled like the caloghn(sp) she bought you." all of a sudden she starts beating me over the head with a plastic heart-shapped box that allen gave her wih choclate in it.she screamed at me"you idiot!!!!i havnt given it to him yet!!!!ahhhh!!!!!you suck!!!!you suck!!!!" so i had a big bruise on my forhead for the rest of the day.but in 3rd pd.she forgave me and siad that she thought allen didnt even catch on.thats what best friends do.i love her so much,so v-day endded up being a good day.my friend christian also bought me a carnation eh so sweet but i dont think i would ever date him bc i dont wanna lose a good friendship.
well gotta get ready for church just thought id sign in,i had only plan to write a paragraph.but i ended up writing a whole months worth of stuff.

Peace Out

location: my room
mood: blahblah
music: i aint gon' let up -- DG Yola
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this shit is geting fuckin annoying!!!  
06:29pm 25/01/2008

Damn!!!im so fuckin tired for all this stupid shit happening to me!i just wanna disapear.ok so ever since leah has gotten here its been down hill from there.to tell you the truth i couldnt care less about her at this point.shes a fucking stupid ass bitch!she thinks that just bc i let melissa and janeta get on she thinks shes obligated to get on!i mean shes so stupid!its my shit!!!so wha ever!fuck her!i couldnt care less about what the fuck happens to her!as far as im concerned im an only child.

god im glad i have journals to wrie in and shit like that bc if i didnt i would already been in a group home.i guess....shit happens.

bu yeah like i was saying...

kavon came over,and i was helping him with his homework and what not.and then leah,melissa,and janeta keep peeking out the window as if im going to do something wih him. but yeah n e ways....melissa offers him a blanket and before i know it lionels outside saying "if you want a blanket go home and get one!dont be comming o my house asking for stuff from my house!"
but later he calls me back and is like "does lionel have an alarm on his car?" and melissa overheard and went and told lionel.so now i think hes fucking madd at me!
so yeah...bu he comes down stairs with a gun in his pants and is all like "you ell ur friend to come back here to check if i have an alarm on my car!" so yea.....
i gotta headache so im  gonna go to bed after doing a little bit of fingering on my violin.


location: my room
mood: crappycrappy
music: superstar-lupe fiasco
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shit sucks....  
10:37pm 19/01/2008

melissa is fuckin pissed at me for fuckin hittin her in the face!shes done that to me before but i dont get fuckin pissed at her. and then when i tried to apologize to her she fuckin says its straight but then she fuckin stays mad at me!fuck that shit! and then she claims to be leaving on monday.
well i say good riddence.
i know what i did was wrong but i tried to apologize and she knows how i am and its not like she hasnt done it to me before.so she can fuckin get over it!
and Leah needs to fuckin go home bc im tired of her shit.im counting down the days to when she leaves.shes a slut so it doesnt matter.shes behind all this shit thats goin down,im about to fuckin call mrs gadson and say she has to go.im this --><-- close to fuckin snappin!and shes tryin to fuckin stay here!?fuck that shit!

*huff* i dont think ive ever cussed this much in an entry but im fuckin pissed!

so yeah....shit sucks!

location: my room
mood: bitchybitchy
music: none at the moment
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ok........calm down....  
04:02pm 14/01/2008

ok so ive gotten all my anger out through writing about what happened yesterday but im not worried about it bc its stupid and itll go down fast.now that i know what theyre talking about im not gonna respond.itll get old.btu whats really getting me is my stupid sister!shes being so retarded.


i walk in my room and i find that her and melissa are smokin weed and shes so high she was being a bitch.and she started bitching at me about some stupid shit.so they go out side for a while,i told my self that i was gonna clean up my room and i was doing that while they were out side.and i did.(im so proud of myself)but i go downstairs to take a shower when im done and when i get back up stairs leah has her shoes on my bed and i sleep there so i ask her to get them off my bed and she moves them and puts them on some thing else on my bed.i ask her once more to please get them off and she starts getting an attitude with me about some stupid stuff,and i just................lose it.

so yea we had a huge fight.and its stupid bc every time i try to tell her that she needs to get her act togther in school and stop doing some of the stupid shit she does she gets all madd at me.

im tired of trying to help her.shes gonna have to learn on her own.shell see if i do anything for her again.
i just try to do my best to care for her and she blows me off.oh well.shell learn......................eventually.

oh and we got today and tomorrow off,and also next monday too!yay!

well srry to bog you down with all this drama but it helps that im talking to someone.thanx.

location: the den
mood: bitchybitchy
music: R.Kelly
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As i was saying.....  
11:23pm 11/01/2008

yeah so i wasnt able to say much yesterday bc i had to goto bed because i had exams today which i didnt do too well on.

ive completed all my exams now its just the exausting pain of waiting of my final grades for thje semester.jeez....its nerverecking.

but ne ways....once again my sister was being like really annoying,she always wants to sleep in my room.shes supoused to sleep in Jannettas room!and then when i say "leah go in your room!"shes all like "his isnt my room!!"but w/e.ive been desperatly looking for a job b/c i need money!to get my computer fixed.at least itll work until i get a new one. but yeah im counting down the days to when leah leaves cause its only been 2 days and im already annoyed.

i also endded up spending the lunch period in the cafiteria with a buch of my friends and i was flirting big time with one of my old friends.his name is tyler.hes sexy.i dont know why im lowering my standards oh well its the personality that counts,Because hes not the brightest  crayon in the box.lolz.but yeah hes cool.

so im gonna sign back in tommorrow becuase im litterally falling asleep at the keyboard.later.

Peace Out

location: my room
mood: flirtyflirty
music: none at the moment
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man....my sisters back.  
11:24pm 10/01/2008

wow....this sucks....
my sister is staying with me and five bucks says that  shes  gonna try to tell me what im "supoused to do" she gets on my nerves so much!!!!aghhhh!!!
n e ways...
for the past few days weve had exams and ive already gotten all of the hard ones out of the way,english 71 and US History 70.bummer i thought id do a lot better,but w/e at least i passed. well ill sighn back in tommorrow when i have more time.later.

Peace Out

location: my room
mood: crankycranky
music: 3 6 mafia-slob on my nob
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new shit....  
11:05pm 06/01/2008

like i said before its been a long as time since ive logged in. since then a lot has happened,like Earl left for texas and basic traing and i miss him like so much!but hey!hes commin back in the spring!im so excited but neways....

my grandma finally gave me the old laptop after getting a new one.its kinda shitty ahey ones better than none,ha!but yeah the mother bord is like so fucked up but the shit still works...
we got a new foster kid about 2 months ago her name is melissa and im so happy shes here because i love her fuckin ass and id andy thing for that bitch!she doesnt even know!i love jannetta too but i have more in common with melissa.so yeah...

but xmas was good.got some new shit that was pretty cool like a digital camera and some clothes and some money!yay!i also just got through dying my hair black with purple highlights. ^-^ 

earl also sent me a letter but i cant reply back  because first off  i dont have any stamps and second aunt shilrey says im not alowed to have contact with him.heh,go fig.after all the shit has happened bc of mrs ross.oh well ne ways im going to bed.later.

Peace Out!

location: my room
mood: blahblah
music: none at the moment
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get lifted  
02:37am 20/10/2007

Damn!its like fuckin forever since ive last signed in!but since then things have been getting even better!im getting really good grades and nothing,i mean nothing,seems to really bother me anymore,i also feel like i have a stable place to really call home!but as of now ive been at Aunt Shirleys house  for 6 months!can you beleive it!? 6 months.i love her family ive grown to call them my own!and also when i turn 21 Myras going to adopt me!yay!and im even helping Wade in U.S Hx.its awsome!i actually feel like im of some use!and in exchange hes gonna help me with my violin.did i mention that im starting to learn Viola!?its awsome!the only thing about it is that i cant play like i want to,since im not as experienced in the viola i cant be as expressive as i want to be.but oh well thats what practice is for.lolz.but im just glad we got monday off cause im tired and also ima remodel my room(again).but i think the best thing out of this week is that i actualy got to talk to Earl!i was so excited!he has no clue how many times ive wanted to call him.sometimes i just wanted to call him b/c i was loanly and i needed to hear his voice but i endured.now i get to talk to him again so my patience has paid off.he pretty much read my mind b/c i was planning to call him on my birthday when ever i turned 16 that way there was really no way DSS could really say anything but yeah...w/e.well im gonna go!ill try to sighn in next time!

Peace Out!

mood: chipperchipper
music: Short,Fast,and loud-Fall Out Boy
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